Travels With An Airhead

Honolulu Marathon

— by Notch Miyake

The Honolulu Marathon is less than a month away and I am ready. I reserved a room at the Kuakini Hospital in Honolulu. It is a little farther away from the finish line than Queen's Hospital, but it is smaller and less impersonal. I always choose quality over convenience. And tourists never go to Kuakini Hospital. They can't pronounce it. (It's Ku-ah-kee-nee)

My will is up to date. I decided not to leave everything to the Society for the Preservation of the R69S. I realized, at the Rally, that I had never seen a dirty R69S. I don't know why we are preserving the damn things if we are not going to ride them. So I decided to leave everything to the Society for the Encouragement of Dirty Motorcycles. Their motto is, "Never trust a clean GS." But don't get too excited and rush to join. They won't get very much because I intend to piss away everything I have before I die. More on how to waste money later.

I tried to get a burial plot at Punchbowl National Cemetery (I am a combat veteran) but with all the budget cuts and the war in Iraq, things are a little tight. You might think that George would give the national cemeteries a little more money since he no longer provides flak jackets to the troops, but the tax cuts for the wealthy were expensive. And dead veterans don't vote. At least not dead democratic veterans.

The latest tax break for the wealthy that George came up with is to allow purchasers of mega-yachts to deduct the state sales tax on the boat from their federal income tax. I am not making this up. This explained all the Bush/Cheney campaign buttons and bumper stickers I saw at the Annapolis Boat Show. It looked like the Republican Convention without Homeland Security.

So what was I doing at the Annapolis Boat Show?

Let me put it this way. Since the beginning of the year, two of my cousins have died: one after a long illness, the other two weeks after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. More than a few of my friends and high school classmates are struggling with cancer and Alzheimer's disease. Over the last six weeks we have been helping elderly family friends deal with a health crisis and a traumatic move to a retirement community in Tucson, Arizona. Four weeks ago, I collapsed after running 20 miles and was taken to the emergency room. It was dehydration caused by not drinking enough fluids and blood pressure medication. George Bush was re-elected.

It's time to look at sailboats. I might need one in case I have to be buried at sea.

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