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Travels With An Airhead

Tax Time Again

— by Notch Miyake

It's April and time for our annual income tax column. This is a critical year since next year there will be a tax cut and most of us will see our taxes go down by as much as $1.50.

The tax cut the President Bush has proposed is supposed to stimulate the economy, which has deteriorated significantly since his election. That is why we have to cut taxes for the wealthy.

Look at it this way. Most people's incomes are so low that a big tax cut wouldn't make much difference anyway. And if you got laid off in the recession, you don't even have any income to tax. So to have a decent size tax cut, we have to turn to the wealthy.

Plus, if taxes for most of us are cut too much, all we will do is buy food, pay the rent and turn the thermostat back above freezing.

But if you cut taxes for the wealthy, they will buy K1100LT's for their bodyguards. Which will definitely stimulate the economy and re-ignite our industrial engine.

To pay for the tax cut, the President plans to cut support for everything and to execute more prisoners to reduce the prison population. Hey, it worked in Texas.

Unfortunately, our taxes will not be cut until next year. So we are still faced with the problem of reducing this year's tax burden.

Contrary to popular opinion, I do not advocate cheating. However, you should not overlook deductions you are surely entitled to if the system were just and fair. And a little creativity can add a refreshing note of frivolity to the otherwise dreary task of filing your taxes.

In the past, I have not resented paying my fair share of the cost of our government. We are the most powerful nation in the world and it's not cheap keeping this sucker going.

We have to buy lots of ammo for the military because they keep using it up bombing Iran. And we have to do lots of medical research for a women's version of Viagra so they won't always hide the pills.

But the major reason I never minded paying taxes was the entertainment the government provided around tax time. As we all know, there is nothing but golf on TV during March and April. And golf is not entertainment. It's life.

President Clinton put on some great shows. Bill and Monica was the beginning of reality TV. It was even better than Survivors and Temptation Island.

What this country needs right now is a government sex scandal to stimulate the economy and get our minds off taxes. I hope Bush is working on it. He can probably get a free supply of Viagra from the Surgeon-General.

— Copyright © 2001 by Notch Miyake.

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