Travels With An Airhead

Election Highlights

— by Notch Miyake

After watching the presidential election disaster, I decided to go to the December club meeting to observe our annual election of officers.

You recall that the winner of the popular vote lost the presidential election because some old folks in Florida were too feeble to punch their voting cards all the way thru.

Well, some of our members go to Florida every winter. And they don't lift weights, either. Lucky thing we don't use thick paper voting cards in this club.

It was a close election, with each candidate winning by only one vote. Like the Florida election, it was a statistical tie.

Mike Brudek, our president-elect, immediately called for a recount. Unlike the Florida election, the recount was completed quickly and produced the same result.

So Mike asked for another recount. We pointed out to him that it was unlikely that further recounts would change the results since he was running unopposed.

So he made a moving statement in which he conceded and called for unity and support for the winning candidate. "Give me a break," he said.

We told him once again that he couldn't concede because there was no opposition. So he made a gracious acceptance speech. "Nuts," he said.

Once again the democratic process and the nominating committee's constant annoying phone calls has produced a slate of officers ready to lead us into the Third Millennium.

In addition to the election, the meeting dealt with several other major issues. The first was the menu for the annual banquet. There was a heated discussion as to whether we should have Sliced Savory Baked Ham or Seafood Newburg ? A House Specialty!

The issue was resolved without violence although I was disappointed that so many people resorted to personal attacks. The Seafood Newburg people are not all assholes as was suggested. Nor are the Baked Ham people all dumb shits.

So if you don't like the menu choices at the annual banquet, remember you could have come to the meeting and voted. In this club, every vote counts.

Which brings up the other major issue. Several people noted that there were significantly fewer members at the meeting than are on our membership list. Are the missing people phantoms made up by the secretary to make our membership seem bigger than it really is?

We have never seen some of those people. Others we see only at the Rally or the Annual Banquet. So we appointed a special prosecutor to find out if these people are for real and to flush them out for some club functions.

Hey, you know who you are. Come on, join in the activities. As our president said, "Give me a break!"

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