Travels With An Airhead

2000 Finger Lakes Rally

— by Notch Miyake

It was another great rally. As usual, I enjoyed seeing everybody and immersing myself in BMW motorcycledom. Congratulations to our chairman, Chuck Winterberger, and the 100 or so members who worked to make everything happen so smoothly.

Norm gave me the statistics. There were about 1300 attendees not counting the day passes. Pretty impressive, guys!

There were 919 riders: 748 male, 122 female and 49 other. If this trend continues, we will have to add another award category to the traditional male/female mix.

Last year I suggested some strategies to encourage more youthful participation in the rally. They didn?t work, since the average age of the rally attendees has advanced from 48 last year to 49 this year. Next year we should have a fiftieth birthday party to celebrate passing this important milestone.

We tried to have a Rave on Saturday night but there weren?t enough people and we couldn?t lift anybody over our heads. As you know, at a Rave, people are lifted over the crowd and passed along from one end of the room to the other. However, the 300-lb. K1200LT riders that volunteered were more than we could manage. If we have a Rave next year we should get a crane or at least a heavy-duty engine hoist we can hang from the rafters.

Also, we didn?t have any Ecstasy, the drug that people take at Raves. Ecstasy makes you think you can lift a 300-lb. K1200LT rider over your head even though it is a dumb idea.

The drug of choice among Finger Lakes Rally participants is Viagra. Viagra makes you think you can sleep with a 300-lb. K1200LT rider even though it is a dumb idea.

There were so many people taking Viagra that I became concerned about handling overdoses. There is the ever-present problem of forgetfulness in this age group and it is possible to forget that one already took a pill although it should be pretty obvious.

So I checked out the instructional video that came with an unnamed member?s introductory sample of Viagra. (It has been so long since some of these guys have done it that the Viagra marketing people thought it might be helpful to provide a refresher course.)

Anyway, there are a couple of things Viagra users should be aware of: First, if you experience blue flashes of light, relax. It?s not the cops. However, you should seek medical assistance immediately. Call 911.

Second, if your erection lasts longer than four hours, call 911.

"Hello, 911?"

"Yes?"

"Look, I?ve had a hard-on for more than four hours."

"How old are you?

"49."

"Hey, Congratulations!"

Ride safe.

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